Ghastly vs Beastly

Below are my ruminations on the 'film' Beastly that I watched on May 1st 2011 . It's not so much of a 'review' however, than a description of a disaster  that I was unfortunate enough to witness... nevertheless... be entertained or offended...

Film: BEASTLY 

Director: Daniel Barnz

Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Vanessa Awful Anne Hudgens and Mary-Kate Olsen 

BEASTLY is undoubtedly one of the worst things to happen, EVER. It is so colossal it manages to take away from all of the recent natural disasters and civil wars around the world, and so revolting it had me eating my popcorn rapidly just so I would have something to disgorge. Vanessa Hudgens is the worst not just at acting but at life itself, she exhales her way through the film like a dying animal but much to my chagrin doesn't actually die. The acting is so poor that it seems almost deliberate and halfway throughout the film you feel as though you've been let in on a joke. I don't know whether this film should fall under the category of tragedy, comedy or HORROR. In fact it's films like this that make me believe Hollywood should declare a new genre called "fail". What is meant to the "redeeming" factor of the film (Alex Pettyfer) is taken away as he looks like graffiti for the majority of the train wreck. The films catchphrase is "embrace the suck" and it does just that. It embraces every bit of its dreadfulness. This film should have been titled "Ghastly"